November 8, 2007
INVENTORY OF BLESSING NOVEMBER EDITION
Posted at 05:10 AM

This entry is inspired by several posts by my fellow bloggers.

 

First, Trent at The Simple Dollar (one of my favorite financial blogsites to lurk at) http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/11/01/revisiting-the-happiness-scale/#comments and his entry on the happiness scale. He gives a rating for things he enjoys doing and rates them on a happiness scale. According to the book Stumbling on Happiness:

 

Take a set of experiences in your life and put them on a scale of 1 to 10, where the 10 is the greatest happiness you’ve ever experienced. For most people, experiences above a 2 or a 3 put them in a positive mood. Now, imagine a piece of your favorite kind of cake. Where does it rank on that scale? For some people, it might rank a 3, or a 5 - it depends on a lot of different factors.

 

Then he proceeds to compare this list to the actual monetary value he spent to experience them. He realized that most of his happiest experiences were absolutely free.

 

After all my whining and caterwauling entries, I guess it’s time to follow their example. Here are 2 lists; my top 5 in the happiness scale and the inventory of reasons to be thankful for this past month (inspired by ate jam and ate dap etc).

TOP3 HAPPIEST DATES (they all get a 10 on the scale)
  • August 2002 when the eternity-shaped hole in my life was filled.
  • April-May 2003 Kawayan Camp, one month leadership training for IVCF. This remains the Everest among my mountaintop experiences.
  • April 1, 2005 thesis defense and my professor told me, “Ms Mariano, you will march on the 20th.” Whee!

BLESSINGS
  • friends who keep me sane, motivated and well-fed
  • grades for first sem MA…miraculous indeed
  • sembreak and forced rest due to an asthma attack
  • silver wedding anniversary of my parents
  • bonding time with the Vesper choir
  • text messages that simply say, I miss you, kumain ka na ba, gising ka na? and buhay ka pa?
  • finally! I’ve almost memorized our Christmas cantatas. Almost.
  • 10pm-7am shift. No traffic. Extended sleep. Yey
  • 10 months in this job. Amazing.
  • Free books, movies and pictorials from my friend, shrek. Heehee.
  • A make-over session and new glasses
  • Coffee and a book from Canada. I miss Twinkle.
  • A new website! Under construction pa.
  • A timely reminder of why I am here and why I should stay.

TAKE HOME:
What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

 











November 2, 2007
HE EXPLAINS IT WELL
Posted at 04:27 AM

It shames me to admit this, but I have a difficult time explaining why I believe. Oh, I know (memorized soon I hope) the verses and the historical facts. Yet to explain my faith in a way that would be effective, straightforward and non-judgmental seems nigh impossible. People would either get defensive, critical or offended; or some give a non-committal “I see” then think “I thought you were smart. I guess not…”

 

How I wish I can be ready, in season or out of season, to give a reason for the hope that I have.

 

For now, I’ll borrow the words of one of our churchmates. I would have chosen another word except for religion… but he explains it well.

 

Salonga, a man of faith: Eloquent, lyrical, compelling
By Dante Velasco
Inquirer


Not By Power Or Wealth Alone
By Jovito R. Salonga
Regina Publishing, 2007
MANILA, Philippines—You will be grabbed by a deep sense of nostalgia for a heroic leader when you read this book, “Not by Power or Wealth Alone,” written by one who lives this article of faith till now.
Carefully note the present tense, because the writer has lived to be over 80— living audaciously to make a difference, one more time, in the life of a nation still sadly divided by many issues.
Once in a rare while, his cogent analyses of issues on politics, law and governance find their way to the pages of the Inquirer—to provide a sharp insight, a compelling persuasion or an ennobling thought above and beyond the reach of petty partisanship or feeble lawyerly arguments.
He’s widely known as one who became the Senate President who achieved, against all odds, what others failed to do—dismantle the foreign military bases. It was he who was most qualified to be President but—to the eternal regret of many—did not make it because he ran on a platform of “principled politics.”
He lost the presidency, and yet he won—and continues to win—the hearts of many freedom-loving, democratically committed and virtue-driven people.
Much is known about the public man—Jovito R. Salonga—but less is known about the private person, the inner world of Author Salonga. This book is a rare chance to take a peek at Salonga’s inner life.
This anthology of speeches, devotional messages, sermons, reflections and eulogies show Salonga’s depth of wisdom, range of interests and, yes, height of his dreams.
Theodore Roosevelt spoke of men wounded and scarred in the “arena of action”—here’s a man who was really tortured by the Japanese Kempetai and was almost lifeless when a bomb exploded in Plaza Miranda in August 1971.
This man prayed and said: “So that I may learn to consecrate myself to something bigger than life itself, so that I may realize the truth that to have broken bones, to be physically shattered and crippled is not of great moment as long as we do not allow anyone to break our faith in God, and cripple our love for our fellowmen.”
The author himself explains it, quoting a poet: “Vengeance may be sweet, but it is not really sweet if it robs a man a peaceful night, makes his days darker and stifles the song that should be in his heart.” This is a quote from a message speaking of the power to forgive delivered on Channel 2 on Good Friday in 1972.
Whence come the uncommon strength and courage of the author? He provides us a clue In a speech before cursillistas: He finds strength from his faith: “To some people, religion is a little air-conditioned compartment on the side of life, an escape, a refuge from the real issues. But the meaning of the Christian gospel is that religion is everything—or it’s nothing.”
This author-leader disproves the point of Nikolai Lenin that religion is the “opiate of the people.” The author’s 1969 New Year reflections show he remains attuned to sobering realities about the people, while so-called “religious people” tune them out:
“There are things I do not want to forget—the suffering I saw in the provinces, the injustice of incredible poverty in many of our villages and barrios, the lack of opportunity among our people bound by years of misery. It is by remembering those little faces of children, haunted by hunger and by the fear of tomorrow that I realize there is still so much to be done.”
The author’s thoughts about his encounters with leaders are both revealing and instructive. Because of that, they are tinged with irony since the people he dealt with were shifting positions on issues or even on ethical matters.
Salonga recalls his prayer in a National Prayer Breakfast in Manila Hotel, with President Arroyo in attendance, and recited this statement (that should now be timely considering the controversial presidential pardon that was met with mixed emotions by the country):
“In case of doubt, we should choose the hard right over the easy wrong; and when we are tempted to compromise, we should remember that anything can be compromised except truth and justice.”
The author also recalls advising a head of state, in connection to a wiretapping incident in 2005, saying: “My advice to the President was quite simple and direct: ‘Be not afraid to tell the truth’.”
As expected, this book of speeches and short remarks are also adorned by the usual niceties about speech making. What one notices, though, is that the words and phrases rise to the level of eloquence and lyricism not by a conscious use of rhetorical devices—but by the sheer force of the man’s thoughts and the pure simplicity and beauty of one so committed to higher causes and principles.
Actually, one better understands the durability and extreme relevance of Author Salonga in a eulogy where he quoted a rabbi: “Many people are not afraid of dying; they are afraid of not having lived. What frightens people is the dread of insignificance, the notion that we will be born and live and one day die—and none of it will matter.”
This man matters to this country in desperate search for modern-day heroes. This simple quote from the book is a clarion call: “Greatness is all about service, not about power or wealth.” This rings especially true for this author-leader.
(dantemvelasco@yahoo.com)

 











November 2, 2007
NOT OKAY
Posted at 02:07 AM

I am not feeling well … for the past month or more.

 

TIRED
Emotionally. I’m doing it again. Pulling away from people who want to be with me, and forcing myself on people who don’t. Then I indulge in another self-pity party for being alone, or left out. I must have a perverted sense of belongingness, wanting only what I can’t have. Must relearn how to appreciate the people who are here., near and dear to me.

 

Physically. Out-of whack circadian clock, finals week, chasing an elusive sales goal, achieving CC goals by the skin of my teeth, emceeing/invitation-writing/makeup applying/looking female during my parent’s silver wedding anniversary, choir rehearsals for 4 Christmas concerts, etc etc etc. I have yet to learn that I AM NOT INDISPENSABLE. I am now officially burned out. Which is probably why I am also:

 

 

SICK
Physically. All work and no play gave me my first asthma attack in 3 years. I have been coughing and sneezing for a fortnight now. Aside from fatigue, running around during a rainy evening and sleeping in house full of cats triggered the attack. As a result, HR has sent me another love letter for my attendance and my budget has been severely depleted thru medicine purchases. At least it’s sem break; my body knows when it can afford to be sick.

 

But wait, I don’t have time to rest. My schedule is now full until the first week of December. Classes will be in full swing by mid-November, choir practices won’t go away, and yeah, I also have graveyard shift. I just have to remind myself (from Kuya Boyet’s text): you want to be ALIVE for those events, right? That puts things in perspective.

 

 

Spiritually. Whatever you call it, a valley, a wilderness, a desert, I am definitely smack in the middle of one right now. My spirit is sick. And I have no one to blame but myself. Why do I keep chasing after things that do not satisfy? Good thing I went to the Prayerwatch last Wednesday. Isaiah 55 indeed. I just pray that I can finally get back what I lost: passion and purpose.
  

 

LOVED
Yet still, I am loved. My theme song for right now:

 

You search me, you know me
You see my every move
There’s nothing I can ever do
To hide myself from you
You know my thoughts, my fears and hurts
My weaknesses and pride
You know what I am going through
What I feel inside

 

And even though you know
You will always love me
Even though you know
You’ll never let me go
I don’t deserve your love
Yet you gave it freely
You will always love me
Even though you know.










October 20, 2007
CHRISTMAS REPERTOIRE
Posted at 01:57 AM

Here are some of the songs that the Vesper Choir is frantically cramming for our cantatas:

SIMBANG GABI

(Lucio San Pedro)

Simbang gabi simula ng pasko
Sa puso ng lahing Pilipino
Siyam na gabi kaming gumigising
Sa tugtog ng kampanang walang tigil
Ding dong ding dong ding

Maaga kami kinabukasan
Lalakad kaming langkay-langkay
Babatiin ang ninong at ninang
Ng maligayang pasko po
At hahalik ng kamay

Simbang gabi simula ng pasko
Sa puso ng lahing Pilipino
Siyam na gabi kaming gumigising
Sa tugtog ng kampanang walang tigil
Ding dong ding dong ding

Lahat kami'y masayang-masaya
At puno ang bulsa
Hindi namin malimutlimutan ang masarap na puto't suman
Matutulog kami ng mahimbing

Simbang gabi simula ng pakso
Sa puso ng lahing pilipino
Siyam na gabi kaming gumigising
Sa tugtog ng kampanang walang tigil
Ding dong ding dong ding

Pasko na! pasko na!
May parol na nagbitin!
Nakikita na sa mga bitwin
Ang pagsilang ng nino sa belen
Luwalhati luwalhati sa diyos
Sa kaitaasan!
At sa lupa'y kapayapaan sa
Mga taong may mabuting kalooban!

A CHRISTMAS CAROL
From "Scrooge"
(Leslie Bricusse)

Sing a song of gladness and cheer
For the time of Christmas is here
Look around about you and see
What a world of wonder
This world can be
Sing a Christmas carol
Sing a Christmas carol
Sing a Christmas carol
Like the children do
And the joy and beauty
Oh, the joy and beauty
That a merry Christmas can bring to you!

PASKO NA SINTA KO

Pasko na sinta ko hanap-hanap kita
Bakit magtatampo iniwan ako

Kung mawawala ka sa piling ko sinta
Paano ang Pasko, inulila mo

Sayang sinta ang sinumpaan
At pagtitinginang tunay
Nais mo bang kalimutang ganap
Ang ating suyuan at galak

Kung mawawala ka sa piling ko sinta
Paano ang Paskong alay ko sa'yo

Sayang sinta ang sinumpaan
At pagtitinginang tunay
Nais mo bang kalimutang ganap
Ang ating suyuan at galak

Kung mawawala ka sa piling ko sinta
Paano ang paskong alay ko sa'yo

PAYAPANG DAIGDIG

Ang gabi'y payapa
Lahat ay tahimik
Pati mga tala
Sa bughaw na langit

Kay hinhin ng hangin
Waring umiibg
Sa kapayapaan
Ng buong daigdig

Payapang panahon
Ay diwa ng buhay
Biyaya ng Diyos
Sa sangkatauhan

Ang gabi'y payapa
Lahat ay tahimik
Pati mga tala
Sa bughaw na langit

These are for our December 8 worship through music, and hopefully, a lot of other income generating carolling gigs. Extra challenge songs for the alto; the composers seemed to have put our notes in a different universe, and we tend to have different lyrics from teh rest of the group. For some reason, we never get to sing the melody part, only the weird second voice stuff.

I love the sound of voices blending well together. I also get goosebumps when we achieve that floating quality that our conductor demands from his choirs. He does not want us to sound like ading fernando (sintonado or out of tune) or bukaka (or like a fishsellers' loud cry in the market), but wants us to really feel the songs. His methods for controlling the choir are both funny, effective (he feeds us ice cream and kakanin) and torturous (hehe). When he starts to dance and wave emphatically (not conduct) to rein our voices, I am tempted to laugh. But it works.

Excited to see how my 7th Christmas with the choir will turn out.











October 18, 2007
MY SO-CALLED SEMBREAK
Posted at 07:01 AM

FIRST SEM THAT WAS
Four months of my first semester in grad school went by in a flash. Despite the challenge of juggling work and school, who would have thought I’d enjoy studying again so much? I took 2 non-major electives, one in HR training and another on the Psychology of Exceptional Children (SPED). One of my most memorable experiences was our SPED field trip last September 25.
First, we went to the Molave Youth Center in QC Hall compound, a rehabilitation center for 100 juvenile offenders. Almost all of them were teenaged boys, crammed into a tiny concrete building. The youths were excited to see visitors and greeted us as we toured the small facility. They had livelihood workshops and dance classes, and Two of my MA classmates were teaching them basic Reading and English for the PEP test/high school equivalency exam. They were pretty well-behaved as a whole, though some of my female classmates were told by the admin to cover up since they were wearing sleeveless tops. We were not allowed to take pictures, but we ended up buying trinkets made by the kids.
In the afternoon, we went all the way to the Elsie Gaches Village, an orphanage for 600 persons with disabilities (PWD). Most of them were abandoned when their parents saw that they were different and had mental retardation, cerebral palsy, Down Syndrome, autism, etc. The small one-storey wooden huts I saw 10 years ago were replaced by airy 2-storey concrete cottages scattered on the hilly compound. In contrast, the Molave Youth center looked like a bodega. But, while the youth in Molave were kept busy, the kids in Elsie Gaches were doing nothing. The staff explained that they were shorthanded, and they only had 2 SPED teachers for all their clients.  The kids we saw were just lying down, sitting on the floor, staring off into space, wandering around aimlessly, or in one case boldly approaching the visitors and grabbing food. One of my classmates kept on muttering “This is like a zoo,” and I can’t help but agree. For some of my companions, it was their first time to be that close to PWD’s, and it made them rethink why they took up SPED. With heavy hearts, we all agreed that something needed to be done…but what? Our class left biscuits and toiletries, but I’m sure a lot of them would be coming back to Elsie Gaches.
 
There were only 2 flies in the ointment: a murderous SPED final exam (so that’s why the prof allowed open notes) and the experience of cramming papers again.
SEMBREAK THAT IS
Sembreak. Time to rest and recover from the stress of exercising rarely-used brain cells and mental functions. All I want to do right now is sleep, eat, read, sleep, eat some more. But here I am, still up to my eyebrows in to do (and failed to do) lists:
  • Silver wedding anniversary invitations - check
  • Various write-ups and articles I owe - ummmm
  • Choir rehearsals – Saturdays yes, other no
  • Lipa rehearsal - check
  • Fix my things and file school stuff – ummm
  • Voice lessons – when?
  • Regular BS – I always oversleep
  • Open bank account – pending
  • Visit the dentist and get my chipped tooth fixed – check
  • Read fiction – check
  • Get thinner – BWAHAHAHA
  • Watch Stardust – I want! When?
  • Massage/spa – dream on
  • Dates with various people – I think this won’t happen soon…sorry Hannah, Pepay, Aton, and Esbi Exec CG.
  • SR – I hope
  • And…. A surprise!
I really really have to fix my body clock. The past month, I slept 3-4 hours Monday-Thursday, stayed up 24 hours Friday-Saturday, then hibernated the whole of Sunday. I want to go to church again. I want to see the sun! I want to talk to my friends again face to face.
SECOND SEM THAT WILL BE
My 2nd sem life now depends on CRS (online computerized registration system) of UP Diliman. Arrrgh. I dutifully spent 2 mornings in Diliman after shift to get my webmail address and another trip to make sure it worked. Then as instructed, I signed up over the internet for my desired schedule. and voila. After the first batch run, none were approved. A measly 6 units. Is that too much to ask? To think that there were 20 slots still available in all the classes I signed up for. CRS is a (frustrating) lottery indeed.
I’m hoping to get the night classes this time. My boss already approved my 10pm-7am shift change, and I already went through pre-advising at my home department. Since I’m not an Educ major, I have to take an additional 9 units (3 subjects) before I can take any major subjects. Delay, here we go again.  
And of course, I’ll still be doing a crazy school-work-ministry-etc balancing act. I am busy, therefore I am.
What do you know… I survived 14 hours without touching my cellphone. I left it at home when I went to work last night.










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