FLINCHING
Posted at 05:02 AM
Only the brave dare look
upon the gray ---
upon the things
which cannot be explained easily,
upon the things which often
engender mistakes,
upon the things whose cause
cannot be understood,
upon the things we must accept and live with.
And therefore, only the brave
dare look upon difference
without flinching.
Richard H. Hungerford
“On Locusts”
This poem is part of the class syllabus for an elective, Psychology of Giftedness. We spent an hour last Saturday dissecting the difference between three seemingly interchangeable terms: impairment, disability and handicap. The first two refers to a loss of function/s due to a medical condition. However, handicap is something that society imposes. Just because a person looks, sounds, or acts differently, he or she would be labelled as “abnormal.” Once society does not make reasonable accommodations for those who have different needs, then it handicaps that person. Hence the poem…we were asked, do we flinch at other people’s “disabilities”? Can I accept people who do not conform to my idea of what’s normal?
Sad to say I have “flinched” at difference, and have done so often…
I do it whenever a I see a homeless person, a streetchild, or a “taong grasa.” But they need more than pity and a few spare coins. I shy away from people who approach me while I am rushing to work, with their sob stories of not having enough money for their fare home. Admittedly, I have grown cynical about these people and wary of becoming a hold-up victim. I have observed that strategy among the denizens of Taft too often in the past decade. But some of them really do need the money and have swallowed their pride to beg.
I love my brother, but I have lost count of the number of times that I flinched at his public tantrums, at his repetitive behavior and monotone way of speaking. I am not ashamed to say that I have a brother who has autism, yet I have spent the majority of my life away from him. I flinched when I chose my MA major. I avoided SPED partly out of fatigue.
I flinch whenever I see people sin…including and especially myself. What I mean by sin is not just doing what’s wrong, or breaking the laws. In the Bible, sin is being far from God. And I often do not know how to react or help or even fix my own faults.
Flinching, in this case, means fear. Some say it is natural to be afraid of things we do not understand. And after endless attempts to overcome this by myself, I give up. I can’t do it alone.
What can I do then?
“Perfect love casts out fear.” John 4:18
Entries for July, 2007
July 3, 2007
July 10, 2007
JESUS WON IT ALL Posted at 12:11 AM beauty for ashes life evermore peace beyond measures jesus won it all saved out of darkness cleansed by his blood into his kingdom by the power of god chorus: he has won it, my salvation my forgiveness, at the cross he is healing, he's redemption for whoever would come he has won, that's the cross all can take freely water of life let all who thirst, come worship jesus christ chorus: he has won it, my salvation my forgiveness, at the cross he is healing, he's redemption for whoever would come he has won, that's the cross for in him is the life that destroyed sin and death and he broke every chain for the bound and oppressed he's alive, he's alive |
July 20, 2007
BAHAY Posted at 06:42 AM Isa sa mga katha ni Gary Granada. Napaisip at napahiya ako...sa laht ng reklamo ko sa kahirapan ng buhay, trabaho at pera, nakalimutan kong magpasalamat sa aking mga biyaya. Bahay Isang araw ako'y nadalaw sa bahay tambakan
Sa init ng tabla't karton sila doo'y nakakulong
Sinulat ko ang nakita ng aking mga mata
Isang bantog na senador ang unang nilapitan ko
Maghapo't magdamag silang kakayod, kakahig
Baka naman isang araw kayo doon ay maligaw
By: Gary Granada |
July 24, 2007
A DIFFERENT STORY Posted at 02:49 AM On my birthday, I attended my first Student Reception in church that I was not part of. Well, at least I did not join the preparation, I was not on stage nor was I backstage. Truth be told, I was waay up on the balcony with an overhead view of kids screaming and jumping and running and singing and dancing. And at the grand old age of 24, I was screaming and jumping and running and singing and (doing a facsimile of) dancing along with them. Dignity is overrated, especially in worship. How I envy their passion and energy. Where did mine go? This just might turn out to be another entry on quarter-life crisis. After all, this is the perfect time for it, with all my angst, "sham, drudgery, and broken dreams" to quote Desiderata. Then Joy and several young ladies did an interpretative dance of the following song... VOICE OF TRUTH by: Casting Crowns Oh,what I would do How I want to listen to You. With all the voices filling my head right now, it is oh so easy to hurtle through another mood swing going down. But wait. I can choose to have a different story.A story where life has purpose. Where choosing to have a job that you’re passionate about does not spell starvation. Where relativity is just a theory from a guy with a crazy hairstyle and people won’t think you’ve stopped thinking intelligently just because you believe in God. I want a story that is not guided by my feelings (since they change every second), or by other people’s approval (it’s impossible to satisfy everyone) or by material standards/money (you can’t take it with you anyway).
I know the story we are starting to write is unpopular and unpalatable… now. But I’m thinking of eternity.
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July 26, 2007
CAREER MOVES THAT I WILL NEVER MAKE Posted at 02:56 AM HBTS That’s what my papa texts whenever I do not reply immediately to his messages. Shorthand for Holy Be Thy Sleep. Right on. One thing that’s sure to set off my temper is having my sleep disturbed. It is often difficult for me to fall asleep, or to go back to sleep when it’s interrupted. My favorite naptime is our one hour “lunch break” at work, that’s between 1am-2am. When you average 3 to 4 hours of sleep a day, every minute counts. So I couldn’t help but snarl in frustration when a customer called in and I had to wake up 10 measly minutes into my snooze. Unfortunately, his information just won’t appear in our system. Then the guy rudely hung up on me when I couldn’t answer his question fast enough. AAAARG. Outbound sales is okay, it’s actually fun. But customer service is definitely not my cup of tea. After gnashing my teeth, I decided to vent instead of stew in my own juices. At least this experience made me realize that, no matter how short my attention span, there are some jobs that I will never ever consider going into. So here’s the Horror List: ACCOUNTANT / Auditor / Math teacher / Statistician / Economist For the eldest offspring of two CPA’s, my dislike (utter loathing) for numbers is weird; my math gene must be recessive. I can crunch figures if I have to, else I wouldn’t get into my first course (BioChem) or my college alma mater. But that is only under extreme duress, or when it involves money and the purchase of food or books. One recurring nightmare I had as an undergrad was flunking a Math subject that was the pre-requisite for all my majors – wait. That actually happened my first sem in UP, got a 4 in Math 17. Going through algebra, trigonometry and calculus made me realize that there are less painful and more enjoyable ways of earning a living. COMPUTER PROGRAMMER / IT help-desk / computer technician Me + technology = KABOOM! Enough said. CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE This career move that must be avoided was one of my options when I went job hunting last year. Fortunately, I came to my senses. CSR horror stories and my limited experience with inbound calls has put me off customer service for life.FITNESS CONSULTANT / athlete / PE teacher / DANCER Or anything that involves continuous physical exertion. I have asthma, I don’t like sweating or gasping for breath and I have sprained my feet 5x total. But I do envy people who are physically fit; I just can’t emulate them. CHEMIST / Physicist / pharmacist / medicine / nursing / allied medical professions Mostly because all of them require math skills, some need customer service, and some would make me more sleep-deprived than working in a call center. Qualifier: I will only work in these professions if I were desperate or temporarily insane. There. I’m feeling better now. |
July 27, 2007
HARD QUESTION Posted at 05:23 AM "Ask yourself: If I know something to be true, am I prepared to follow it, even though it is contrary to what I want, (or) to what I have previously held to be true? Will I follow it if it means being laughed at, if it means personal financial loss, or some kind of hardship?" - Eric Lidell |
July 28, 2007
THE WEEKEND I TURNED 24 Posted at 02:47 AM This is a belated birthday post. My birthday stretched for 3 days; I barely slept that weekend so the events are mixed up in my brain. I do recall that a huge amount of food was consumed though… COASTAL (OFFICE): Feeding of the 5000 – my favorite birthday activity. In the first break, the Pioneers started with chocolate caramel cake from JM’s mom, a huge block of it which we smothered with a gallon of vanilla icecream. Sugar rush! Come lunchtime, my parents brought 2 big bilaos of miki bihon from Buddy’s and 2 boxes of kalamay from Tarlac. We and a lot of other people (around 50, hehe) kept on eating that for the last break and breakfast after shift. I love that pansit, it’s got those chunks of lechon kawali, with both thin and thick noodles. Yum! And, I got a sale! UP DILIMAN (SCHOOL) Rushed to school after night shift. My first class finished off the rest of the kalamay. The next class pushed me into cramming mode, since our group report was rescheduled for July 28…waaah. Then my family fetched me and we ate at Chocolate Kiss. We were complete, which only happens during holidays ever since I was in grade school: Papa, Mama, the elder brat and the younger brat, my Lola and Tita. I ate foccacia bread with pesto dip and Korean beef. Yum again! COSMOPOLITAN (CHURCH) After Diliman, I slept in the car on the way to church. I had promised my “kids” that I would show up at the Student Reception; blogged about it a couple of entries back (see A Different Story.) I miss the CYF… After several hours of sleeping (in the dark, at night, yehey!), went back to Cosmo for our choir’s anniversary. The Vesper Choir celebrated 33 years by singing 12 arrangements by Clydesdale. That took us almost half a year to practice, they were pretty challenging especially for people who can’t sight read notes. The worship through music was beautiful though; I was able to capture the moment with my trusty cassette recorder. And, we saw pictures of the choir circa 1978…when Kuya Pamfi was so…handsome. Hehe. Then some of us trooped to the blood donation drive held every quarter by the PGH people in our church. Amazingly, despite working in a call center, my blood was accepted for donation. Another miraculous thing: the doctor’s weighing scale showed I lost 5 kg…come on! Wow! The last time I donated blood was way back in 2003. They got 450cc’s, and I got a sandwich and a bracelet. Weak from the blood loss, we had to recover via another food fest: lumpia, pata tim, pansit, barbecue, rice, chop suey, etc. Amidst all the chewing, I forgot to dwell on my quarter life crisis. |
August 1, 2007
APPROACHING WITH CONFIDENCE Posted at 06:15 AM “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 I have felt hesitant in asking for help or favors. I know I seem to have no shame in filching food, ordering people around or getting others to do errands for me. But I always try to return the favor by feeding them too, or doing something. Same with prayer requests; I am shy about asking God for stuff or miracles. Part of me feels that I don’t deserve it, or that my desires are too little to bother Him with. Usually, I just ask him once, and that’s it Then I see the verse above in my calendar…and the month ends with an outpouring of blessings. Little things, mostly breath-prayers or muttered requests, but still He heard: - a KC overnight getogether with Joni, Tin, Cherry, Heero, Jenmai and CJ-Kulot - listening to the KC recordings once more - a one week reprieve on my report for EDSP class - opportunity to join the Christmas gig…and the humor of stumping the choir director: he couldn’t figure out where to put me. - was able to attend the SVCF UP Manila exec mtg and UP Diliman CG despite my hecticness - visiting the IV staff house and meeting 2 Balikatan youth, Rhoda and Rachel - getting a sale! Last minute as usual. - Someone sent me an email that, up to now, makes me smile. I try to copy the moves that the little gingerbread man is doing, but…hanggang hagikhik na lang ako Thanks Lord, for a happy month end. |