Posted at 12:32 PM
Yesterday, as I was strumming my long-neglected guitar, I realized: May na pala. Where did April go?
She was lost in a sea of deadlines and gripes, tears and conflict, frustration and changes. My first job is (soon to be was, hehehe) one extra challenge after another. I am learning how much of a spoiled brat I’ve been, and that I’ve been protected and pampered too much the past 2 decades. Things won’t go the way I planned just because I want it to. People won’t always like me or agree with me (then again, this is one lesson I have learned since kindergarten). Backstabbing does exist and trusting too easily can get you hurt. Getting burned from wrong assumptions is even more painful. What you sow is not always what you reap in the corporate world. Politics sucks. Appreciation is something that comes sparingly, while criticism is a daily routine. And that hiding your light under the bushel is way easier than letting it shine forth… guilty, I am.
I have also learned that loving is its own reward. Friendship can bloom in the most unexpected places. Little acts of kindnesses never go unnoticed. Mood swings do go up. Math is survivable. A silent hug from a mute little boy makes the heat and body pain from a day of hauling bricks go away. I’m beginning to see that every single thing I do has an impact. There is a global village out there that I’m part of; I can’t limit myself to the here and now or to what I can see. I can’t waste the God-given opportunities and gifts I have on selfish whims. On the other hand, earning a living doesn’t always have to mean boredom or drudgery. I have proven that there is more to life than work, and being a professional doesn’t mean you have to give up your faith. Above all, prayer works.
Despite the seemingly endless barrage of problems, I’m still hopeful. Partly because familiarity brings about confidence; I’ve survived stress before (thesis?), and this too shall pass. But mostly because, while I’m actively waiting, God is beginning to give me glimmers of what He wants me to do next. Inspiration comes in sprinkles that I know will soon turn into a deluge.
So I wait some more, trying to quiet a questioning mind and an anxiety-prone heart.
“So I’ll cling to the One who never changes
I’ll hold on to Jesus my LordWhatever He has promised, I know that He will do
For my Lord is faithful, and true” – song by JD Auxtero
