AUGUST NA?!
Posted at 03:43 AM

I'm in a rut. waiting is definitely not one of my favorite activities. in fact, it's driving me (semi-sweet and) nuts.

i'm torn.  i'm getting too comfortable with my bumhood; unemployemnt as a comfort zone? hay. but i really want to work and become independent; i feel a bit old to be asking for an allowance.

my inactivity is limited to my (exponentially expanding) body, and in connection with things i'm supposed to do (uh, what manual?). but my mind is fiendishly active even until the wee hours, especially in the wee hours, of the morning. thinking of getting a job and the future, youth and maturity, closeness and separation, independence and submission and... hmm, some things are better kept to myself.

uh-oh. where is God in all this? still there, but He is keeping quiet all of a sudden whenever i ask for specifics. consequently, my ADHD-afflicted mind regrettably tends to wander away from His will to my will. a constant challenge has been: do i trust God enough?

i also realize that the past one month (post-attempted Canadian entry) have just been spent in passive waiting. He said "be still and know that I am God..."  Know is an action word; and the waiting i need to do doesn't mean grinding to a standstill.

thus last night i recommitted myself and my time and my future and my heart to Him. like i did three years ago (less two days).

*takes a deep breath*

i choose to wait actively.

and until His perfect time comes, i will...

STAY EMPTY (Aaron Niequist)

My life is cracked in ways that I don't understand
And there are holes inside i never planned
But this roller-coaster
Is how You pull me closer
And I trust that You are who You made me for

And I will stay empty
I will keep waiting
I will stay empty
Until You fill me up and I
I will stay empty
I will keep waiting
Until You fill me up with You

Send Your floods to help me
Clean out my heart's space
Please come quickly, it's so hard to wait
This world is temporary
I cry out sanctuary!
And throw myself into
The strongest arms of Hope

And I will stay empty
I will keep waiting
I will stay empty
Until You fill me up and I
I will stay empty
I will keep waiting
Until You fill me up with You

Bridge:
It may come soon
And maybe it wont
I want to run
But I know You don't
I give You my heart
And trust You in faith
And cling to the blessings
I anticipate!

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WHEEEEE!!!
Posted at 03:23 PM

Guess where i am now? in an office. MAY TRABAHO NA AKO!!! answered prayer, ambilis. blog more later.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?
Posted at 02:29 PM

Your Birthdate: July 21

Being born on the 21st day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.
The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.
There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude.

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.
Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.
You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.

You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.
Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.
You are affectionate and loving, but very sensitive.
You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

GALING SA: http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

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WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR?
Posted at 05:54 PM

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are we not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure about you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us, it is in everyone.
As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Inaugural Address, Nelson Mandela

i first encountered this passage in my thesis research, and was inspired greatly to not just pass, but to excel in my last semester.

months later, during the ISCF CTC, i heard it delivered with conviction by a character in the movie "Coach Carter." the movie and its main encouraged me in my ministry as a discipler. 

now, these words remind me that i'm not supposed to be swallowed up by the marketplace. i should let my light shine... and thus draw others to the Light.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13   

2 tripped the light fantastic

ANG PINAKAHIHINTAY
Posted at 04:57 PM

super belated blog entry, almost a month in the making. anhirap kasi iconsolidate at i-put down into words ang mga nangyari. *takes a deep breath* here goes.

BUM TO PROFESSIONAL

eto po, Makati office girl na. blessing talaga ang work kasi anlapit sa course ng activities ng department namin, public affairs ng smart. dito rin ako nagpracticum so familiar na mga tao. bagay din sa akin yung work pattern ng office...extreme activity tas super quiet days. Tapos lagging may food kasi mahilig kumain mga tao dito…we are now trying to consume two huge sacks of butter coconut biscuits na bigay sa kaopisina ko. May “boodle buddy” na rin ako, sabay kami kumain lagi kasi sabay kami magutom. one month ahead lang siya sa akin dito sa department so newbie rin cya. Tsk, we are aiding and abetting the destruction of our waistlines, hehe.

 

 

I have 3 major struggles right now. First is adjusting to living at home again after 9 years of independent dormlife…di na ko sanay na binabantayan. At saka medyo shaky relationship namin ni mama ngaon…hay. Second is waking up early (as in 6:30am) dahil nasanay ako na magising ng hapon after 12hrs of sleep. Tas I average 3 hours of travel time everyday dahil uwian ng las pinas. Last…waah, goodbye tubao/bandanna! I’m stuffed into corporate attire, oh the pain. Im looking for a place to stay right now na walking distance lang sa office, di ko na talaga kaya kasi mas stressed ako sa byahe kaysa sa trabaho.

 

JOB DESCRIPTION: PROJECT STAFF

 

Ganda pakinggan, pero in reality it means dakilang alalay ako. Contractual pa lang me at project based, im praying na marenew when my contract expires on December. But I enjoy working!

 

Spent the first couple of days in interviews and chasing important paperwork. Daming numbers sa mundo…sss, tin, pin, etc. first week pa lang nakatulong na ko magorganize ng event, a sculpture exhibit at the CCP. naging tour guide at yaya ako sa mga 18 sculptors, who were victims of the december typhoons sa General Nakar,Quezon. livelihood project yung sculpture training, andaming driftwood sa town nila, yung mga huge hardwood logs from the sierra madres na sumira sa houses. imbes na gawing uling lang worth P60 per sack, pwede maging works of art worth thousands of pesos. kaya nga title ng exhibit "Banglos: from tragedy to creativity." ang galing kasi they only had 4months training and mga amateurs, ages 9-50 pero ang ganda talaga ng works nila.

 

After that week followed a fortnight of quiet. Had a variety of jobs: receptionist, telephone operator, letter printer (around 100 copies), database encoder, contact person, etc, punctuated by meetings every now and then. But September is going to be a busy month, our group has lots of events coming up, esp a treeplanting activity at General Nakar and La Mesa watershed. Yehey! A break from corporate attire!

 

And tomorrow is my first ever professional paycheck! Minus tax, etc, etc….oh well. Time to hide from the ravening hordes of people asking for a treat.

 

SL

 

My spiritual life kind of took a downturn that first week on the job, I had trouble adjusting to the fatigue and schedule so my QT suffered. But its gradually going back to normal this week. I get refreshed though every Sunday, since I spend almost the whole day at church. Bonding with my kids and the CYF/youth, going to worship services, praise and worship and the vesper choir. I’m so happy because there’s a revival going on with our young people, and I got a new prayer partner, pepay from svcf diliman. I’m looking for a BS that I can go to regularly, haven’t had one since graduation, preferably for professionals. and praise God natapos na ung pagkanta ng dorm choir at worship through music...happy me at ang dami kong bagong papakinggan na recordings, heehee. Christmas cantata naman ang sunod!

 

HEART

 

All is quiet right now….i was finally able to obey something that God commanded me to do months ago. Painful for all concerned, but very necessary. And my heart is at peace, no crushes or admirers to worry about. Hehe. Blessed me that the Lord opened my heart to a whole new set of alagas and anaks at church...unexpected talaga. However, I’m really struggling with my relationships with my family, esp my mother. We clash so often that I’ve been very silent at home for fear of causing more arguments. I’ve even gone to the office once a week with swollen eyes, due to a night of going to sleep crying from sama ng loob. She’s having trouble adjusting to my wanting to be independent and my prioritizing ministries at church. Of course, I’m also usually at fault, my evil, lazy, apathetic, rebellious and sarcastic side emerges full force at home. Hay. My testimony at home is a mess. All I can cling to is the promise in Philippians 4:13…and that when I am weak, He is strong. I seek His kingdom first, the rest will follow.

NAMIMISS KO

i miss my tubao. Medyo miss ko ang cyf. okay, sobrang namimis ko cyfrs,esp mga anak ko. buti na lang may cellphone at Sundays. Miss ko na rin ang matulog ng matagal. Miss ko na ang gitara ko, na bibebaby-sit ng "kuya" niya. i miss my tubao. miss ko na ang mahabang bonding sa cosmo habang nag-aantay ng prayerwatch. miss ko na magjamming. miss ko ang kape ni gift. miss ko na ang 2 magkapatid na boongaling. miss ko na humabol sa curfew...not! Miss ko na dates namin ng UHC. miss ko na yung line ko na sim, had to give it up. miss ko na si Pambu. miss ko na roomates ko. i miss my tubao. miss ko tumambay sa esbi tambayan. miss ko si kuya dave. miss ko mag-CG lead at BS. miss ko na ang hillsongs. missko na makipagtelebabad. miss ko na si roy.  I MISS MY TUBAO!!!!!!!

Yun lang po for now.

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