A BAD CASE OF THE BLAHS
Posted at 05:52 PM
written September 8, Wednesday
Everything is blah now. I’m just running on automatic pilot. No extreme sadness, no extreme joy. Sleeping seems to have become my favorite activity; studying is optional.
Not good.
Gusto ko na grumaduate. Sobra.
I’m just grateful for a faithful Someone who is always there … even when I can’t feel it. I remember a beautiful song a close friend sang in one of our Batingaw plays. It is and has been a lifeline for more times than I care to remember.
You search me
You know me
You see my every move
There’s nothing I could ever do
To hide myself from You
You know my thoughts
My fears and hurts
My weaknesses and pride
You know what I am going through
What I feel inside
And even though you know
You will always love me
Even though You know
You’ll never let me go
I don’t deserve Your love
But You gave it freely
You will always love me
Even though You know
Things will get better. And I’ll just PUSH… Pray Until Something Happens.
American gods by neil gaiman
sana maulit muli
Entries for September, 2004
September 9, 2004
September 11, 2004
ANGER MANAGEMENT Posted at 12:31 AM Ayan. nagalit na rin ako. then again, only four people can make me explode...and they're all related to me by blood. and one of them is in fine form tonight. aaaaarg. Lord, grant me patience... enough, at least, to survive the weekend with my faith intact.and my sanity and dignity not in tatters. The structure of scientific revolutions God is the strength of my heart |
September 11, 2004
PSYCHO TEST Posted at 12:54 AM
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September 13, 2004
GUINEA PIG Posted at 06:31 PM My dorm mate must be really desperate to do her case study; she picked me as her subject. What made me a good subject was my alleged insomnia, she said. Tsktsk, is my deviance that obvious? She’s going to use written measurements for behavior, IQ, etc on yours truly, the guinea pig. Hmm, the most recent personality test I took was based on biblical characters, courtesy of the Monday CG at SVCF. Of the four personality types, the following tied for the top spot: “D” Style – DOMINANCE Bible character: Paul Strengths: - gets things done - persistent - takes charge - accepts challenges - makes quick decisions - solves practical problems - self-reliant - works hard Weaknesses:- insensitive towards others - overlooks risks and cautions - takes on too much - too demanding of others - impatient - inflexible and unyielding - inattentive to details - resents restrictions Motivation: challenges, results Best Situation: continual challenges, freedom to act, variety Accepts: the difficult Rejects: inaction Behavior Under Tension: Autocratic “I” Style – INFLUENCE Bible character: Peter Strengths: - optimistic - personable - verbally articulate - entertaining - enthusiastic - makes a good impression - persuasive - outgoing and friendly Weaknesses: - lacks follow-through - talks too much - acts impulsively - over-commits - misjudges capabilities - overestimates results - jumps to conclusions - verbally manipulative Motivation: recognition, approval Best Situation: new and exciting opportunities, freedom from control and detail, opportunity to motivate others Accepts: involvement with others Rejects: isolation Behavior Under Tension: Attacks MORE THAN A SONG Despite the heavy traffic and rains on the return trip from Tarlac, I managed to arrive right in the middle of our church worship service. I tried to hide in the back row, to no avail. One glare from our conductor had me scrambling for a spare gown and sneaking to sit with the rest of the Vesper choir. Miraculously, the song survived my cold-infested, travel-strained and squeaky alto voice. Probably because one can’t do much damage to song as moving as this: More than a song sung to praise You More than just words I learn to say I want to be an instrument worth using Breathe life in me, breathe life in me You know my thoughts before they are spoken You know the frailty of my way Still if there be some hope revealed in my weakness Breathe life in me, breathe life in me Lord without Your life, mine has no meaning Without Your joy, dark is my day And without You Lord, my love is vain and empty Without You Lord, hope slips away Breathe life in me first for Your name’s sake Breathe life in me that men will say, “Truly his God is full of compassion.” Breathe life in me, breathe life in me… Breathe life in me, I pray. Phil Star, PDI and Manila Bulletin Bituing Walang Ningning |
September 16, 2004
SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL Posted at 06:00 PM 3:30 am. My dorm mate and I were groggily doing what we do best, cramming, when the floor shook. A normal occurrence, we thought, since the ten-wheelers plying Taft Avenue often made our 50-yr old building do a jig. Then the slight wobble exceeded five seconds and got stronger. I pulled the plug on my PC and shot an alarmed look at my dorm mate. The earthquake subsided. Whew. Then the room seemed to shudder as the tremor intensified once more. We woke up my roommates as the ceiling light swayed heavily on its chains; there was the sound of broken glass in the darkness outside. No hint of panic, but we swiftly went out into the lobby. Only then did the ground calm down. 3:40 am No aftershocks (yet), just a return to what was: slumber and coffee and late-night procrastination. Voices sharing lindol stories and trivia murmured in the background. Made me realize the meaning of earnest prayer. POTSCRIPT as i posted this blog, i caught four KCmates online: vir, joni, erin and heero. chat session galore (o the detriment of my online research)waah, miss ko na kayo! and im off to a Bible study... The Structure of Scientific Revolutions kasama mo ako by eheads |
September 22, 2004
ARTISTIC INTERLUDE Posted at 04:12 PM In the hectic craziness that heralds the approach of finals week, aka “hell week,” I was blessed to have a weekend such as this… … a sleepy but music-filled night of Gary V songs and inspirational messages; the Cuneta astrodome was starry with the light of a thousand cellphones. I was enamored with the piercing stage lights and the electrifying dance moves of Gabriel. Oh, why was he born too late for me? Hehe, menor de edad pa yun. … an afternoon with my kanlungan, Batingaw. I was delighted to see the dreary Little Theater transformed into a bar complete with Chinese lanterns and a platform made out of the deceased Coop canteen lumber scraps. I also laughed-to-death at the antics, scripted and otherwise, of the cast of Masturbating Minds. Despite the title, it was all about politics. Seriously. … an eat-a-thon with the Vesper Choir, due to the advancing age of our conductor, Kuya Pamfi. Gorged ourselves on lumpiang shanghai, roasted chicken, adobong manok, menudo, maja, 1 1/4 chocolate cakes and three half-gallon cans of ice cream. The artistic part came in the rehearsal that followed; the alto part of “Joy in the Morning” is now my LSS for the week. Thank goodness for Kuya Levi, the antique male alto, else I’d be lost hopelessly amidst 28 screaming voices. ACADS One of my regrets this semester is signing up for two electives of Psych. Got the same teacher for both subjects. And frankly, reading the textbooks is more productive, learning-wise. What a waste of a good subject. I must be a masochist, since I’m really enjoying my lone major this semester, OC 199-Organizational Communication Research. We’re discussing various research designs and schools of thought, like ethnography, constructivism, contextual analysis, postmodernism, empiricism, etc. We learned to differentiate between method and methodology, and to beware of the danger of solipsism. I’m beginning to appreciate the UP Diliman library as well as the Structure of Scientific Revolutions in all its seminal incomprehensibility. Intellectual pleasure indeed. But pain is part and parcel of this course; the thought of my non-existent proposal is enough to give me panic attacks. Our professor, Sir Villar, has very high standards; he was the same teacher who subjected me to the torture of techwrite last semester. I sometimes think that I should bang my head against something hard for willingly jumping from the frying pan and into the fire. Then again, I’m almost guaranteed to have a thesis I could be proud of. He’s that good an adviser. Enough, I hope, to rescue me from the pits of slothfulness. Waah. Is anybody that good? Dragons of Winter Twilight Joy in the morning |
September 22, 2004
net quiz Posted at 04:50 PM  You are Beast! You are brilliant and extremely clever. You can handle almost any problem swiftly and efficiently. You are devoted to philosophy and are always up for a good discussion. Sometimes, though, your anger gets the best of you and you upset those whom you care about. Which X-Men character are you most like? brought to you by Quizilla |
September 22, 2004
another quiz Posted at 04:55 PM  You're Element is Night. You're a bit of a loner loner who is very creative but never show your work to anyone. You may smile a little but sadness or loneliness surround you and other can feel it when they're near you. You have a dark or unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and you probably have a lot of secrets that you've never told anyone. You're beauty is intriging and unorthidox but the real thing that makes you special is your eyes. Something in them makes them like Diamonds in the Rough. (please forgive me if you cannot see the pics. If you go to my userpage then you can see your result picture at the bottom) What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES) brought to you by Quizilla |
September 22, 2004
hmm, parang di na ito totoo ah Posted at 04:57 PM  As if you were born into a world of tears, you always tend to look at the darker things in life. Inside you crave attention yet push away society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn to things like the occult and mysteries, you spend your time daydreaming. What Type of Soul Do You Have ? brought to you by Quizilla |
September 22, 2004
COFFEE-ME Posted at 05:07 PM
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September 22, 2004
HAHA, the only lablyf i have now Posted at 05:12 PM  All of your friends are jealous and you know it. The boy is some romantic, he always can make a rose appear out of nowhere just to cheer you up. He often says you're his angel and always knows how to make you blush a dark shade of red. What kind of boyfriend would you have?(with pics and obviously for girls^^) brought to you by Quizilla |
September 22, 2004
winter, spring, summer or fall.. Posted at 05:14 PM  You're a Spring. You usually are very close-knit with your friends and value everyone freidnship you have. You're a real people person and everyone loves how friendly you are. You're good with encouraging people but usually don't like to be the center of attention. You are a social butterfly and probably are in several circles of friends but it's just because you're well liked and you make people comfortable. You're both fun and wise but you are very realistic about life. What season are you? (pics) brought to you by Quizilla |
September 22, 2004
angel? Posted at 05:18 PM  Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure Angels always appear when a child is born, when a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and show their love to everyone in the world. What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures! brought to you by Quizilla |
September 28, 2004
COULD YOU BE MESSIAH Posted at 04:56 PM Could you be healer to a heart that’s been wounded in a battle that’s never seen? Could you be teacher to a mind in confusion? Tell me what does this all mean Are you deliverer of an imprisoned feeling in chains? Can you set my spirit free? And just one more question, allow me this question: Could you be Messiah to me? Could you be Father to a soul that’s been abandoned, by a world too busy to hear? Could you be friend to a helpless survivor; can you take away my fears? I’ve heard them all sharing this newfound conviction in them Are you all that they make you to be? And just one more question, allow me this question: Could you be Messiah to me? Now I’ve been looking for someone like you, and I’m so tired, I’m tired I’ve read every book and I’ve sang every song My mind maybe right but my heart feels so wrong Tell me how much further, can my life go along Which way do the roads lead, where do I belong? Are you forgiver of my most unknown secrets? Provider of all that I need? Could you be brother; the one who knows better? Would you now stand in the lead? When all this is over, all the thunder and lightning, in the daylight just what will I see? The answer to my questions, to all of my questions Could you be Messiah to me? Please be Messiah to me. lots Mourning into dancing |
September 28, 2004
I WILL SURVIVE! Posted at 06:28 PM galing sa isang public health student sa UPM To the tune of: I will survive... At first I was afraid Now I'm petrified That I just can't keep my GWA above a two point two-five. I spent all those stupid nights... I was just chilling way too long And that was wrong But now I know I must be strong And now they're back They're in my face I've got 3 finals and 2 papers to be done in just five days! I should never have gone out And I should never have partied 'Cause now all this work I have It's all piling up on me! And I must go to the libraryo To do research on those papers And study harder than before It's hell, I'll tell you that and you know it's not a lie But I can't crumble I can't la y down and die Oh no not I! I will survive! If I keep a 2 point two-five At least I'll be alive! I've got five more days to live and I think my brain will give But I'll survive! I will survive! |