BUMABAWI
Posted at 02:33 PM

July 4, 2004 Sunday
PSYCH 101

The first tenet of this course: know thyself. A reflection paper:

Who am I? I am “Maria Rita Ilya Canlas Mariano” according to all the pieces of paper that prove to the powers-that-be that you are a person. I am the morena, long-haired, tubao-wearing girl sleeping in the MRT or sprinting for dear life along Taft Avenue. I am the irregular student in UP Manila who sits with her back to the wall, alternating between stupor and hyperactive recitation during class. I am the crammer who can’t seem to decide whether to be diligent, as shown by my copious notes, or to just simply slack off, as manifested by my erratic attendance. I am the student and soon-to-be graduate who goes to school not to get high grades or accolades, but to learn.
I am the arts-lover, who is in an obsessive relationship with music and theater through sheer force of will; despite minimal talent, I am enjoying every minute of it. I am Ate Rita, the leader and “elder” in several organizations: bossy, often tardy, but just doing and giving my best to those who trust in me. I am also Tarits who shrugs off expectations and acts as if I have not stopped being a teenager (or a child) for some years now. I am the Cosmo dormer who is generous to a fault and who is often accused of having not one iota of tact. I am the nocturnal creature who comes alive in darkness, and who is terrified of technology.
I am the beloved eldest child who is doing my best to live up to the dreams of my parents while still remaining me. I am the absent sibling who wants to be closer to my brothers. I am the special friend who has the gift of making people feel important. I am God’s daughter who wants nothing more than to follow His will for my life. I am still waiting patiently and excitedly for His leading in my future career and family life, confident that He knows what is best and that He has a purpose for me. Above all, I am who I am because God loves me.

A week later…

July 10, 2004 Saturday
HEEDING THE CALL TO SERVE
My dorm mate and I stayed up all night just to make sure that we would be awake by 7am; we were part of the joint church choir that would sing in the ordination service of our church’s head pastor, Ptr. Bernie. It was worth the sleeplessness… the service was beautiful. The church was filled with people and flowers, the church staff were preparing enough food to feed a battalion (feeding of the 5,000? hehe).. Come to think of it, the whole affair had the feel of a wedding. In a way it was, since our pastor was renewing her vows to serve the Lord. The anointing of the Holy Spirit was really with her, especially in her testimony about how she became a pastor. She was then a nurse in the Makati Medical Center and had just gotten promoted. Then during one night shift, she was praying and she heard the Lord’s call, in the form of her assigned devotional reading:

“Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness – the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saint. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.”
Colossians 1: 24-27 (NIV)
After much prayer, advice and deliberation, she “forsook all”: her nursing education and career, the salary, the opportunity to go abroad… and followed Him. And the rest is now part of our church’s history.
The message given by Rev. Carlos dela Cruz was also striking:
· God knows whom He calls to service, and He knows the right moment to do so.
· The day of commitment is when He calls us not just to hear His promises, but to act on them.
· He calls us not on the basis of whether we have the “right stuff” in us, but on the basis of what He can work in and through us.
· True commitment is made with empty hands lifted up, saying, “It’s up to You.”

A SONG OF COMMITTMENT
Music is indeed the language of the soul. And it becomes even more beautiful when offered up to the Master Composer Himself. After Ptr Bernie's ordination, her husband Kuya Greg gave a moving rendition of Panunumpa as Ptr Bernie’s song of commitment. I was in unabashed tears… not just because of the occasion, but because this has been my song to the Lord ever since I received Him.

PANUNUMPA

Ikaw lamang ang pangakong mahalin
Sa sumpang sa Iyo magpakailanpaman
Yakapin Mong bawat sandali
Ang buhay kong sumpang sa Iyo lamang alay
At mapapawi ang takot sa akin,
Pangakong walang hanggan

Ikaw lamang ang pangakong susundin
Sa takbo sakdal liwanagan ang daan
Yakapin Mong bawat sandali
Ang buhay kong sumpang sa Iyo lamang alay
At mapapawi ang takot sa akin,
Pagkat taglay lakas Mong angkin…

Ikaw ang siyang pag-ibig ko
Ashan Mo ang katapatan ko
Kahit ang puso ko’y nalulumbay
Mananatiling Ikaw pa rin


Ikaw lamang ang pangakong mahalin
Sa sumpang sa Iyo magpakailanpaman
Yakapin Mong bawat sandali
Ang buhay kong sumpang sa Iyo lamang alay
At mapapawi ang takot sa akin,
Pangakong walang hanggan
At mapapawi ang takot sa akin,
Pagkat taglay lakas Mong angkin.

“… you have forsaken your first love. Remember…” Revelation 2:4-5
Digital Fortress by Dan Brown Panunumpa

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NAHIDLAW…
Posted at 10:55 AM

Isang salita sa Ilonggo na nangangahulugang namimimiss mo ang isang tao o bagay. Natutuhan at naranasan ko yan ng sobra dahil sa isang madugong camp nung nakaraang taon. Muntik ko nang ikamatay. Buti na lang malakas ang powers ko kaya nakabalik ako sa normal kong anyo. Ayon sa mga malapit kong kaibigan, bumalik daw ako sa pagiging walang bahid ng kalambingan… Hehe.

TRIVIA: Sabi ng makapal na librong “A Dictionary of 8 Philippine Dialects”, ang ibig daw sabihin ng nahidlaw ay “to yearn.”
Ang lalim naman sa Ingles… eh sa ngayon ang gusto ko lang namang sabihin ay ikamamatay ko kapag hindi ko ulit naranasan…

… ang di pagtulog para lamang umabot sa 7am na call time
… ang amoy nang ina-amag na kurtina sa GSP
… ang nakabubulag at nakapripritong spotlight
… ang kinamay na make-up
… ang milagrosong clip mic (na di naman kini-clip, kundi ipinapagkit sa balat)
… ang pagkaubos ng buhok sa batok dahil natatangay ng tape ng clip mic kapag inalis na ito
… ang walang pasintabing hubaran habang nagpapalit ng costume
… ang kaba na nararamdaman kapag delinquenteng magmemorya ng script
… ang batuhan ng silya – este, linya
… ang madramang house music bago magsimula ang show
… ang pag-abang sa wings para sa cue na umentrada
… ang pakikipag-patintero kay Kamatayan (or sa pilay) habang tinatahak ang madilim na underground backstage
… ang maligo at malunod sa pawis
… ang kumaripas ng takbo habang nakayapak at nagdarasal na walang maapakang thumbtack
… ang tanghalian na dunkin donuts at mineral water
… ang sumayaw hanggang malagutan ng hininga
… ang paghahakot ng halaman, props, costume, atbp (bahay at lupa rin minsan)
… ang halakhak at palakpak na nakakabusog sa puso
… ang magwala at humiyaw pagsara ng kurtina]
… ang magbura ng mukha at ubusin sa isang gamitan ang isang botelya ng pond’s facial wash
… ang pagsalakay sa mga kainan sa Rob ng halos benteng nilapastangang nilalang
… ang “high” na tanging sa alaxan at salon-pas lang nagmumula…

at higit sa lahat…
… ang bawat Linggong kapiling ang mga paborito kong tao sa mundo.

Nahidlaw na ko sa buhay-Batingaw.
TB Logbook Pinagmasdan and Joyful, Joyful

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SINO BESTFRIEND MO DOON?
Posted at 09:28 PM

Posted at a Christian forum:

bespren? is dat edible?
hmm...masyado akong restless to settle with just ONE bestfriend... pero dami ko kaclose


IVY pangalan ng bestfriend ko mula grade 5 hanggang senior hs...
miss ko na ito

si ELAINE naman ang lagi kong hinaharass sa theater org namin, tanghalang batingaw.tagaluto at tagapagmahal. future kumare ko rin pala...alin, kay seb or kay maia?

pagdating ng college, inangkin akong bestfriend ni CHUZA, dorm/org//school/church/choirmate. madalas kaming mapagpalit ng pangalan sa church dahil lagi kaming magkasama nun. kaso nga lang medyo madalang kami mag-usap ngayon kasi toxic pareho

bes naman ang tawag sa akin ng president namin sa esbi manila last year na si ERWIN...dahil daw PrayerPartner ko cya.nyek.kawawa naman so sinuportahan ko na lang

isa pang prayer/accountability partner ko si JENMAI, isang jukebox na nagpapanggap na panda, este tao. notorious sa pagiging iyakin, at stereoypical na Ilonggo:malambing (manipulators!)

si GIFT (yup, thats her real name) is my disciple sa dorm.tagatimpla ng kape at dakilang taga-gising.tinatakwil nya ako tuwing nagiging lovelyf ang topic, hmp. pero pareho kami madalas ng trip... trip ng mga taong natutulog pagsikat ng araw

sina JONI at te RIZ naman ay kapwa miyembro ko sa UHC-Unica Hija Club. meron kaming malufet na covenant..about our future husbands.bwahaha.

si HANNAH naman ang tinaguriang kambal ko nung KC 2k3. ewan ko ba, di naman kami magkamukha...mas makapal ata mukha ko.nyahaha.ang dami na naming freaky, we're-thinking-the-same-thought moments na parang telepathy na tuloy. partner sa pagkain. deadliest enemy ko ang imaginary friend nya na si TWINKLE

pero kung pinaka-close talaga, tatay ko na yun. Papa's girl ata ito... gabi-gabi ba namang pumarada sa harap ng dorm mo at idate/bantayan ka, di ba kayo magiging close?

at marami pang iba... marami akong berks at kapamilya eh. cenxa ha..can't choose just one.may MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) ako, so marami akong bestfriends.hehe

share ko lang. ;-P
Quasi-experiemental Research Design Castle on a Cloud- Les Miz

4 tripped the light fantastic

DEBUT WEEK
Posted at 05:10 PM

TwenTEEN-one

nothing remarkable about this birthday save for two F's....
Food and Friends. My friends from all sectors of society have been eating out with me in dizzying amounts since tuesday. haay..my stomach feels like its died and gone to heaven. when my mom asked me what i wanted for my birthday, i said i wanted to reenact the feeding of the 3000 sa bible. she obliged, yehey!
the two men in my life gave my favorite birthday greetings:

Papa: (10am) I guess your day has not started yet...happy age of majority! (kilala nya talaga ako, hehe)

Bryan: Happy birthday! You can get married now. bwahaha!

yeah, right.

yes. i grew older. enough said.

and..haay.i feel so loved.


HEALED

Yehey!

My pc bogged down a few days ago because of an evil wicked virus that came from the unscanned diskette of some evil wicked creature who borrowed my poor baby. thank God for younger brothers that you can harass to rescue recalcitrant pc's for free! Pambu (as we have christened my darling computer) is now healed. Pambu...short for pambuwisit, este, pambuhay. thesis na kasi eh. im trying to be kind and gentle and affectionate with the computer para mabait din cya sa akin. heehee.or else.

At...healed na rin pala ako sa isang kawindangan na nag-afflict sa akin these past few weeks. hay, i missed clearheadedness. hehe. ayoko na maging mushy!!!

I have one obsession nowadays... blueberry cheesecake ng red ribbon...haay.blame it on a friend who constantly orders it on our dates.earg, my waistline....

HERE I AM TO WORSHIP

Light of the world you stepped out into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see
Beauty that made this heart adore you
Hope of a life spent with you

King of kings oh so highly ealted
Glorious in heaven above
Humbly you came to the earth you created
All for love's sake became poor

Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that you're my God
You're altogether lovely
You're altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

I'll never know how much it cost
to see my sin upon the cross
wow... you can't help but feel warm ang tingly all over with this song. mahal talaga tayo ni Lord.

PLUG

Christmas Cantata ng choir namin sa church sa December (obvious ba?) at maganada po siya... "Mary Did YOu know?" ang title. kinikilabutan ako sa songs, galing.
The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks Mary did you know?

2 tripped the light fantastic

CONVERSATIONS
Posted at 05:33 PM

I just love to talk. My friends give up at my capacity and speed for chatting. Any topic, anytime. But the conversations I'll always remember are....

... the long sharing times with my fellow campers and counselors in various IVCF camps all over the Philippines. under the coconut trees, on a shaded hammock, beneath a sky luminous with stars, while watching a breath-taking sunrise unfold, under a cold yet gentle drizzle, to the sound of an afternoon breeze... i long for those quiet times with nature; and with the people i shared a young but growing faith with.

... the bonding time in my with the Batingawers, the feisty arguments over a dish of canton and scrambled eggs washed down by a coke litro, the overnight session in an Olongapo beach while watching the stars and listening to the waves,and the hurried but heartfelt words of encouragement in the darkness of the backstage.

... the nightly study-procrastination sessions with my dorm mates at Cosmo while swigging coffee by the jug, sharing stories of school and more school, listening to "ghostly" singing from the deserted sanctuary, singing in two-part harmony to the accompaniment of a little guitar, avidly listening to a talented interpretative reading of bob ong's books, etc...mamimiss ko talaga ito when i leave.

...the telebabad sessions with various people i have victimized...hours of cradling a gradually overheating phone to my ear in the wee hours of the night... madalang na lang ito.

... the daily dates with my special someone...just talking for hours about the "war front" and the tiger, monkey and brats that we both know and love, the discussions about politics and religion and hormonal imbalances while browsing a stack of magazines and eating dinner. i learned multi-tasking from an expert.

and now... the virtual talk of chat sessions and a blog site.

saya!

and now i'm off to find a thesis topic...waah...
Theories of personality Stay

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