CHASING TIME
Posted at 12:14 AM

EARLY PSYCHOSIS

How time flies! April sped by in a blur, obscured by three weeks’ worth of computer glare. I cannot believe that I could actually keep my mouth shut and not listen to music for 4-5 hour stretches. Then again, I began talking to myself (or to the computer) midway through the second week. Often, it was just quiet murmurs of “kaya mo yan” and “isang oras na lang…” “and how interesting…” Sometimes the murmurs became outbursts, quickly suppressed: “asan na yung window?!” and “bakit nawala????” and (to the computer) “ pleeaase don’t hang… please don’t die… please don’t leave me alone!!!” *waaah*

I still have the same effect on technology, even the supposedly safe, professional equipment… kaboom! Akala ko wala na… pero meron, MERON!!!!

BREK MUNA, BREK MUNA…

My parents go to the provinces every weekend. Probably out of pity for my bangag state of sleep deprivation, they let me off the hook and allowed me to stay in the dormitory. Answered prayer, because I can have both a physical and spiritual recharge every week. I hibernate during Sunday, then wake up in time for the 4pm choir practice and Vesper service. Saturday nights are spent chatting with my dorm mates; amazingly, I missed them just after a few days. I’m more at home at the dorm than at our permanent address, since I’ve been staying in dormitories for almost eight years now. I virtually grew up (and sideways, hehe) in Taft Avenue. Why? Simple: Traffic = always late. Enough said.

QTS: (Habakkuk 2: 1-4) Devotional guide: My Utmost for His Highest

“Patience is not the same as indifference; the former conveys the idea of strength and the ability to withstand all assaults. The source of patience is having the vision of God; we have this when we are reaching for more than we can grasp. Be careful of the state of spiritual relaxation.”

I paraphrased it a bit, (even an updated Oswald Chambers can still be quite tough to understand) but that’s the gist. I’ve been too impulsive, impatient and irritable for my own good. He really has a way of hitting you where it hurts…and making it better. And whenever I’m down and frustrated (which is very often lately), I remember this reassuring song…

MY HEART WILL TRUST

I’ll walk closer now to the higher way
Through the darkest night, will You hold my hand
Jesus guide my way…

O You mourn with me and You dance with me
For my heart of hearts is bound to you

Though I walk through valleys low
I’ll fear no evil
By the waters still my soul
My heart will trust in You…

O You counsel me and You comfort me
When I cannot see You light my path,

Though I walk through valleys low
I’ll fear no evil
By the waters still my soul
My heart will trust in You…
My heart will trust in You


I have two new-month resolutions: go cold turkey on texting (i am a certified, unrepentant and bankrupt addict) and save enough money for a graduation tour of the Philippines. Ansarap mangarap ng gising…
Running with Demons (hehe) by Terry Brooks My Heart Will Trust in You

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SERIAL JOURNAL WEEK 3
Posted at 12:24 AM

Day 9 April 26, 2004 Monday

In the morning, Ms Lillian asked me to type the curriculum for the outreach on May 8. I was able to encode only the Grade 2 lesson plan in the morning. After lunch, Ms. Reena gave me a new task: research on the Corporate Social Responsibility programs of other companies, especially those that focus on education, sports and the youth. In particular, they wanted me to find out the CSR projects of other telecommunications companies. I was given a week to complete it, using the ubiquitous Excel. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack

Day 10 April 27, 2004 Tuesday

Serendipity! My work became easier when I discovered the websites of three organizations involved in CSR: Philippine Business for Social Progress (PBSP), League of Corporate Foundations (LCF), and the Makati Business Club. I just used their membership lists for reference; I love Google! It was encouraging to know that profit-oriented outfits actually have a heart. Still, for every three company I read about, only one had a formal CSR program. The rest seemed sporadic and aimless in their giving. Not surprisingly, they also tend to focus on areas that are closely related to their work. For example, computer companies usually gave equipment to public schools.
In the afternoon, I took a break from research and helped proofread the first quarterly edition of SmartSpeak. I also attempted several times to contact the secretariat of a PR competition Snart was planning to join. I learned two things: first, how to dial an overseas number and second, they prefer to reply to inquiries sent by email.

Day 11 April 28, 2004 Wednesday

I spent the whole day staring at a computer screen, silently cutting-and-pasting away.I was seriously tempted to ask for a week-long absence from the practicum. One of my school organizations was going to conduct a leadership camp the following week, and they needed counselors since some of the older ones backed out. However I decided against it because that would mean that I would have to extend my practicum until the last week of May; I already had other commitments then. I also had a paper to complete.

Day 12 April 29, 2004 Thursday

I was not feeling well when I reported for work. I spent the morning making paper cut-outs of numbers to for the results of that week’s collection for the outreach program. Afternoon brought a welcome respite. First, most of the people in the department went out after lunch to visit a sick officemate. Then, around 2pm, everyone in the 26th floor clustered at the windows to watch the rally of Bangon Pilipinas. Bro. Eddie Villanueva’s supporters numbered 20,000, and they filled up Ayala Avenue in a long stream of yellow. Some of the people in other buildings even threw confetti at them. Late in the afternoon, I asked if I could go to the rally to meet a friend. The short distance from our office to the rally took me almost ten minutes because the underpasses were closed. I was forced to find gaps in the never-ending street railings that were supposed to thwart jay-walkers. I was sorely tempted to just climb them, despite my corporate attire, and walk on the main road. I was just in time to catch Carla Martinez’s emotional rendering of “Ang Bayan Kong Pilipins” and the pastor’s closing prayer. Afterwards, I went back to the office and spent the remaining time researching online.

Day 13 April 30, 2004 Friday

How time flies! Three weeks of practicum sped by virtually unnoticed. If I chose to I could probably finish the 200 hours by the second week of May, since I almost always stayed beyond 6:30 pm. The hours of exposure to the computer’s glare finally gave me a headache. Fortunately I had already researched about 50 companies by then and was able to submit my work that night. Then, I belatedly remembered my other research work for Sir Darwin and went online again for another hour before going home. It was alright to go home late since we had no outreach the next day, since it was Labor Day.


ANOTHER MONTH GONE...waaah.
I'm having a recurrence of a dreadful disease: kc fever. ay, mali, chronic na pala. haay.

Another resolution: i need to diet...coz i have to fit into a gown by the end of may. we will sing in a wedding in Banaue...the last tym i wore that dress was during our Christmas cantata. (yes, te riz, THAT black dress...ugh). ag basta.."all things are possible"

and i'm off to never-never land
Reader's Digest (mag pala) Pagka't ang Diyos Nati'y Diyos ng Pag-ibig

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down but not out
Posted at 07:50 PM

Day 14, May 3, 2004 Monday
The owner of the cubicle that I had been using these past weeks came back from sick leave, so I was forced to play “musical chairs” again. First I stayed at Ms. Nova’s place in the morning, then when she arrived, I transferred to Ms. Tina’s office, since she was also on sick leave. Notice the trend? In the middle of the afternoon, I went down to the Hr Department for my ID, at last! As usual, they misspelled my name, so it would take a while before I get the final ID card. I was given a grace period to finish the research work for Sir Darwin. I found several organizations that helped people start small and medium enterprises. My job is to find out what training they offer, as well as the duration and cost of the said training. I have until tomorrow to finish it. So far, I have gathered information about thirteen organizations.


Down...
There are times when He seems so far away… when all you can rely on is the knowledge that he is there with you no matter what you feel. That He is still in control no matter how bad things get. And that things happen for a purpose.

If I repeat this often enough, will it finally sink in?

...but not out
Kahit ang puso ko’y nalulumbay, mananatiling Ikaw pa rin…
Perfect

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gasp!
Posted at 08:00 PM

PRACTICUM JOURNAL

Day 15 May 4, 2004 Tuesday
It was a very busy day. Well, it started slowly enough, since all I did from morning until mid-afternoon was continue researching for Sir Darwin. But things became hectic at around 3:30 pm, as people were asking me to do things for them all at the same time. First, Sir Darwin asked me to call up some of the organizations I researched on. At the same time, I was adding entries to Ms. Nova’s database. Then Ms. Lillian asked me to fax something for her. I was in trouble, because I didn’t know the first thing about faxing. Fortunately, I was able to enlist the help of one of the lady messengers. Then I went back to the discussion with Sir Darwin about the feasibility of a CSR project. I can’t go into details, but I was forced to face math once more, since we did a lot of number crunching. Sir Mon and Ms. Mar also shared some of their insights. Finally, I was asked to find out the connections of the various organizations I researched on; for example, if they were partners in a given project. Before I left the office, I researched some more.
Every now and then, people would ask me when my practicum would end. When I mentioned that I only had two weeks left, everyone inevitably said, “So soon?” they needed more practicumers but it was physically impossible, since they had no more space. I was actually playing musical chairs everyday, since I needed a computer to work and I could only occupy the terminals of people who were absent. Since everyone was miraculously present that day, I hopped around four cubicles. Exercise! Last note: I finally got my temporary ID. At last!
what is a book? you are my hiding place

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LTS
Posted at 10:37 AM

Day 16 May 5, 2004 Wednesday

Ms. Reena arrived after lunch, so I spent the morning in her office. I was supposed to continue the research for Sir Darwin, but he told me that the information we had gathered was sufficient for his presentation that morning. Instead, I was asked to view his MS Power Point slide show and give comments. Everyone was present in the department that day, so I was anticipating another game of “musical chairs” as I moved form one cubicle to another. Thankfully, my boss was able to requisition a spare computer unit. I only have 70 hours left to complete, but I guess it’s better late than never. I then spent an hour linking it to the company Intranet, with the help of Michael, from the IT Department. Actually, he just talked me through the process over the phone; when I got confused, the mouse cursor seemed to move by itself as he took over. The rest of the day was devoted to Ms. Nova’s database, which had been shunted aside because of all the “urgent” tasks they gave me

Last Tune Syndrome..
ngayon ko lang kasi nalaman ang lyrics. thanks sis!

You Are My Hiding Place

You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
with songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You..
I will trust in You.
Let the weak say I am strong
in the strength of my Lord

i'm not better yet..but i will be.
obvious ba?

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KALUGURAN
Posted at 09:49 PM


Day17 May 6, 2004 Thursday

Things were a bit slow in the office in the first half of the day. I just continued the database, did some Internet surfing, and suffered from the extreme cold. As expected, work assignments came in the late afternoon. Sir Mon and Ms. Sally requested me to do some research on reading advocacy, since they were considering it as a CSR program of SMART. Around 5pm, my concentration was broken by a very pleasant surprise. My classmate, Dani, was also applying for a practicum at Smart. After her interview, we chatted for a while and I showed her some of my output. As usual, people in the department did overtime work, so we ate dinner together. Lastly, I saw the final draft of the organization’s quarterly newsletter, which I helped proofread.



FRIENDSHIP PARADOX
Definition: A paradox is a statement that seems contradictory but actually expresses a basic truth.

NEAR… AND YET SO FAR
Paradox 1: It is possible to miss someone whom you see everyday.

I miss my best friend. Before, we talked almost every night; now we barely even smile at each other. It’s not a matter of proximity, it’s a matter of opportunity: time and fatigue are the worst enemies of communication.
And now all I have to cling to is a poem… simple but true.

I shot an arrow into the air
It fell to earth I knew not where
For so swiftly it flew, the sight
I could not follow it in its flight

I breathe a song into the air
It fell to earth I knew not where
For who has sight so keen and strong
That it can follow the flight of a song?

Long, long afterwards in an oak
I found the arrow still unbroke;
And the song from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.
(by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

FOREVER WE’LL BE ONE…

Paradox 2: It is possible to be close to people whom you rarely see at all.
The wonders of technology… the people closest to my heart now are those who are either far away, rarely seen, or both. These friends know more about my life than those whom I live with; they seem to understand me better. Their lives inspire me; their quotes and prayers never fail to encourage me even in my darkest moments. They don’t hesitate to rebuke me when they see that I’m going astray; a shared faith makes us accountable to each other. Above all, I am grateful to them and for them because they help me continue keeping the faith and heeding the call.
“After all the pain and laughter, you’ve become a part of me… and though tomorrow seems uncertain, hand in hand, forever we’ll be one”


KANLUNGAN

Paradox 3: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy… NOT!

The people whom I work with are the ones I have the most fun with. The ones who shout and throw chairs at me can, in the next second, make me cry from laughing. Grilling and love life stories are both part of our bonding sessions. They are an opinionated, loud, talented, critical and intelligent bunch… who have accepted me for what I am. “Feels like home to me…”
You know who you are.

“In my life, I loved them all… ”
MUFHH Friends

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LONG WEEKEND
Posted at 07:50 PM

Day 18 May 7, 2004 Friday

It was another morning spent with the computer. I was anticipating a change after lunch, since I was supposed to help interview the winner of a company-sponsored contest. However, I had to go back and substitute for the secretary of our department head. While I manned the phone, I continued the research work and did some minor errands for the outreach program. Our boss treated us to pizza, accompanied by a lively discussion about the coming elections. Most of the staff were asked to be on standby on Monday, since Smart was going to help NAMFREL during the election proper.


"TO SLEEP, PERHAPS TO DREAM..."

I am anticipating with glee the long, long weekend. Sleeping is such a rare, precious thing…
Before I can hibernate though, I have to go play with my kids at Palanan Elementary School early tomorrow. Waking up before noon is torture, but the way they happily sing “I’ll do my best, I’ll do my best….” (oh-oh-oh) is almost enough to make my bad mood go away. Take note: almost. Not totally. Only coffee can make me completely human in the morning.
And come Sunday, the blind will be leading the blind in our choir as we altos grope in the dark. Thankfully, God listens to the heart, else we would not even attempt to sing the Lord’s Prayer; not a single alto knows how to sight-read notes, hehe. Tape recorders are such life-savers.

"...AYE, THERE'S THE RUB"

I am so delinquent. I’m cramming two very important tasks: my baby thesis and the elections. I still have not typed a single word and I still have not picked a single candidate. Sitting on the fence is beginning to be a pain in the behind… but jumping impulsively and breaking something would hurt a lot more. So I’m staying put until I’m sure.

"...for what dreams may come?"
Harry Potter V Vincent

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HIATUS
Posted at 10:35 PM

Fasting…

From cellular phones and anything not related to my baby thesis. I’ll be quiet for a week, staring tomorrow. Writing (cramming) break. I’m paying for the wages of the sin of procrastination.


Day 19 May 11, 2004 Tuesday

It was my last week of going to the office daily. I requested a two-week break in order to focus on an incomplete requirement I had from the previous semester. Fortunately, one of my classmates started her practicum at Smart that day, Danee. At last, I had someone to run to when the computer broke down and when I had questions about the different programs. We also played a version of “Trip to Jerusalem,” since we kept on moving from one cubicle to another. I spent most of the day alternating between the database and research work about reading advocacy. Early that evening, however, Sir Mon asked me to monitor the election results over the radio. What jarred me was hearing on the news that FPJ’s supporters were gathering for a celebration party at Ayala Avenue. Sure enough, when we peeked out the window, the street outside was closed to traffic as people kept coming to join the rally. As a result, I went home late, since my dad was stuck in traffic.

Day 20 May 12, 2004 Wednesday

I spent the whole day on the mailing list database. I also helped Danee with her work. She was asked to research on the foundation dates of various schools around the Philippines, as well as their administrators and their birthdays. I offered to text my friends who were studying in those schools and asked for their help. I met them in Kawayan Camp, a national leadership training camp, a year ago in Cebu. Late in the afternoon, ms. Reena told me to research on two more award-giving organizations for CSR.

Day 21 May 13, 2004 Thursday
Danee forgot to bring a jacket, which was a disaster since our office temperature was in the low twenties.Fortunately, we were able to lend her one. There was no available computer that morning, so I helped Ms Lillian by cutting out numbers for the Pasa Book and PaSapatos results. I also organized and filed the research materials I had gathered during my practicum. In the afternoon, I continued the database and made visual aids for the outreach tutorial class that Saturday. Finally, Danee and I joined the Palanan volunteers as they evaluated the previous Saturday’s sessions and planned the graduation ceremony on May 28. We were treated to free dinner and given T-shirts.

Day 22 May 14, 2004 Friday
It was my turn to have a close encounter with frostbite, since I left my jacket at home. I arrived after lunch and immediately went online to finish my research about reading advocacy. Everyone seemed disappointed that it was my last day already, until I assured them that I would be back by June to complete the 25-odd hours I had left. They also kept ribbing me about treating them, as a despedida. In the afternoon, Sir Darwin met with Danee and I and asked us if we could do a case study on the Palanan outreach program. Specifically, he wanted us to find out if it were effective in terms of mobilizing the employees to volunteer for a CSR program, despite the heavy workload at Smart. He also fed us apple jam, which looked and smelled like toothpaste. I felt so accomplished; I had finished almost all my work by then, save for the humongous database and the case stude. Ms. Reena also invited me to accompany her to a corporate meeting on June 8. Fieldtrip!

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INDEPENDENCE DAY A MONTH EARLY
Posted at 06:09 PM

TAPOS NA ANG BABY THESIS KO!

at last after all the months of labor, lumabas na siya! and its a both! hehe. kahit baby thesis lang siya, may acknowledgement portion din.gaa, mushy! but i just needed to express my undying gratitude..kahit prof ko lang ang makakakita nun.hehe.im so happy, sha-la-la.

MAY HIMALA!
miracle of miracles, it only took me an hour to enrol yesterday. plus my dorm mate treated me to the kantapella concert at the ccp. the tux. the opera. the company. WOW... heaven

tas kanina graduation ng mga anak ko sa palanan. akalain mo ba namang Best Behaved class kami. bwahahaha! eh wala naman kaming ginawa kundi maglaro ng ascending (di nila ma-getz ang descending), cops and robbers at kumanata ng "i'll do my best." i'm so proud of my kids...*sniff*

as i go to Banaue tonight, this song will be playing in my mind for the whole ten-hour trip....haaay.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

I remember so well
the day that you came into my life
You asked for my name
you had the most beautiful smile

My life started to change
I wake up each day feeling all right
With you right by my side
Makes me feel things will work out just right...

How did you know...?
I needed someone like you in my life
that there's an empty space in my heart
You came at the right time in my life

I'll never forget
how you brought the sun to shine in my life
and took all the worries and fears that i have
I guess what I'm really trying to day
it's not everyday that someone like you comes my way
no words could express how much....

oops...private yung last line eh...hehe
Winter's Heart by Robert Jordan Everlasting Love

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