Unang Hirit
Posted at 07:24 PM

FOUND

There is none like You, No one else can touch my heart like You do, I can search for all eternity long and find, there is none like You…
It has been a year and eight months today since He found me. These entries are the outpourings of a grateful heart.


SOUND OF SILENCE

Silence is a word that does not seem to exist in my vocabulary. No one has ever made the mistake of accusing me of being quiet. For those few who were deceived by my sleepiness, a minute in my company quickly brought them to their senses. And my usual surroundings are anything but calm; noise is a constant when you’re living with 70 people in a dormitory along a major thoroughfare.
But silence was what I experienced for four days, in the semender retreat of SVCF UP Diliman in faraway Norzagaray, Bulacan. We stayed in a resort that, to a city girl like me, seemed on the other side of nowhere. To be honest, I was as talkative as ever, chatting seemed to be an official activity, and one could hear faint strains of videoke singing from the pool in the evenings. But there were hours when all you could hear was bird song and the rustling of leaves in the summer breeze…cliché, but true. All the worries and concerns of the semester seemed to fade away. And in those truly quiet times, I felt Him touch my heart again. An embrace that reassured me that He was with me at all times. That no matter how alone, or lost, or stressed I felt, He was and always will be near me. Wow.


SEE GOD RUN

This was the theme of the retreat, based on a wonderful song by Philips Craig, When God Ran. The song showed the father running to welcome his prodigal son back home. No questions asked; all is forgiven. Undeserved love indeed…

Almighty God, the Great I Am
Immovable Rock, Omnipotent, Powerful, Awesome Lord.
Victorious warrior, Commanding King of Kings,
Mighty Conqueror, and the only time I ever saw Him run, was when…

He ran to me,
He took me in His arms,
Held my head to his chest, Said “My son’s come home again!”
Lifted my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes,
With forgiveness in His voice, He said,
“Son, do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise, when God ran…

The day I left home,
I knew I’d broken His heart
And I wondered then, if things could eve be the same.
Then one night,
I remembered His love for me.
And down that dusty road, ahead I could see,
It was the only time,
It was the only time I ever saw Him run…
And then…

He ran to me,
He took me in His arms,
Held my head to his chest, Said “My son’s come home again!”
Lifted my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes,
With forgiveness in His voice, He said,
“Son, do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise, when God ran…


OF SPIES, FELLOWSHIP AND VIDEOKE

I confess: I had an ulterior motive for joining the retreat (aside from the prospect of rest). I was a spy. As a member of a developing and oftentimes struggling campus fellowship, I wanted to see what made the oldest IVCF chapter tick and tick so well.
Was my mission a success? In those few days, I’ve seen that, more than the activities and the schedules (which were sometimes changed or simply ignored), what drew the members together was their shared passion for worshiping Jesus. This was expressed through their love for their fellow members and by a curriculum that focused on missions. The members were not just acquaintances or orgmates, but friends. People whom you would include in your debut or wedding; people whom you wouldn’t hesitate to share your life stories with and who wouldn’t hesitate to rebuke you if you’re going astray. Friends whom you could sing OPM on the videoke with, about love lost, found, and still in the “praying for you” stage (hehe). Prayers and songs. Laughter and tears. Gimik and bonding.
Was my mission a success? SVCF UP Manila shouldn’t and won’t be a clone of the Diliman chapter. But let’s just say that things will get quite interesting in the SVCF tambayan cum cat sanctuary along Faura this coming semester.

And the sun rises…
Finding God's Will by Zac Poonen Saturate My Soul

1 tripped the light fantastic

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
Posted at 01:20 AM

WATER 12/27/01

an inner conflict
in the turbulence
always in motion exists
with the wind still

the calm
on the surface reflects
what others don’t see

unpredictable
life-giver
life-taker
some float while others
sink to the depths

violent crash of waves on the shore
smooths the rocks into sand
and soothes the weary soul



KC 2K3 ANNIVERSARY

A mountain top experience. That’s what happened to me in the faraway land of Sibonga, Cebu, exactly one year ago. It’s difficult to chronicle all the learnings and changes Kawayan Camp brought about. But looking back, three things stand out:

1. God – “I am the potter”… “Be still and know that I am God”

2. Others – wonderful friendships, prayer and accountability partners from all over the archipelago.

3. Myself – when God calls you to a specific task, you become the best person for it.

Two memorable songs from a music filled month:

FOREVER WE’LL BE ONE

Can’t you feel the warmth
That flows from within our hearts
Can’t you see the smiles
That reflect the joy we have

Since the time we’ve been together
What a joy we have within
And though tomorrow seems uncertain
Hand in hand, together we’ll be one

Now the time is almost near
That everyone seems to fear
When parting words seem too hard to bear
And one must cry for his dear

After all the pain and laughter
You’ve become a part of me
And though tomorrow seems uncertain
Hand in hand, together we’ll be one…
Always in Christ, forever we’ll be one.


SATURATE MY SOUL

Lord my desire is You
Your will, Your face
I want to know you more
And follow You all of my days

Saturate my soul
As I keep my faith in You
Saturate my soul as I heed Your holy call

My hopes and earthly desires
I lay them down
I pray that there might be
More of you and less of me.


We had a send off dinner for our lone delegate last Monday. We prayed for her and I gave a ton of last minute admonitions. As we ended the dinner with a prayer, I wondered what it would be like to go back to Camp Bato? A visit would be nice..naah. Once is enough.

And I am province-bound…
Finding God’s Will by Zac Poonen Forever We’ll Be One

click me!

VACATION-MODE... and a REALITY CHECK
Posted at 08:27 PM

FACT AND FICTION
It was only two movies, but for someone who hadn’t seen the inside of a movie house in three months, it was a much needed movie binge…

PETER PAN - Last Sunday, I coerced my choirmates to skip the afternoon service (harhar) and join me in watching a fantasy flick. Some good clean fun at last - not something that would win the Oscars, but the movie’s effects, acting, etc. were enough to give justice to one of my favorite stories.

We all fell in love with a gorgeous twelve year old boy who played a twelve year old …at last, since usually we see older actors playing younger roles. Sumpter also managed to give new dimensions to Peter and showed both his cockiness and vulnerability. I really appreciated the acting of Jason Isaacs – he played both Mr. Darling and Captain Hook. Aside from the obvious difficulty of playing two such diverse roles, I’ve always had a partiality for actors who play villains well…it’s more challenging than the usual hero parts. Wendy was okay, although she seemed a bit mature for an adolescent. Several things struck me: the treatment seemed to emphasize the love angle between Wendy and Peter, quite unlike the usual wholesome image of previous Peter Pan plays and films. Those twelve year-olds were precocious for children in the Victorian era, that’s for certain, naunahan pa akong mag-first kiss! (hehe) And it was very violent; Captain Hook’s first appearance in the movie vividly showed his stump, and we often see him casually shooting sailors who irritated him.

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST – At last I was able to watch this much talked about movie. Since I’ve read a lot of reviews about it, I was both eager to see it and faintly annoyed that I had such high expectations. I went to the cinema alone because my friends deserted me…joke! It was fortunate that I went alone, since I was able to view the movie without the usual side comments and my reactions were more honest, di ako nahiya. My evaluation? Well….it was excellent but it did not affect me as much as I thought it would. Yes, I cried… who wouldn’t after that graphic and bloody scourging scene? I was thinking, “tama na,” and “how much blood can a human body hold?” And a part of me was flinching not just because it looked so horrible, but at the thought: “each stroke of that metal whip is for me.” Ouch. Talk about guilt… that I had focused so much on what I had received and seemingly forgotten what it cost Him. I also couldn’t help but shed tears at the flashback of Mary running to soothe her fallen child… and the corresponding scene where she supports him as he fell on the way to Calvary… a mother’s love… hay. The Gethsemane scene seemed dragging, but you could really see the agony Jesus went through in surrendering His will to the Father’s. The movie really showed Jesus’ humanity, that like us he could feel joy and pain as well… which made his sacrifice all the more heavy. Experiencing the passion would have been a piece of cake for Jesus the Son of God, but it was excruciating for Jesus the Son of Man. Hmm..naapektuhan rin pala ako… nyeknyek. Maybe I could say that it didn’t affect me that much because I didn’t obsess over the Passion as I did with Lord of the Rings.

Two movies: one fiction, the other fact. I hope the people who went to see them as an escape from the pressures of daily life was able to distinguish which is just make-believe and which proclaimed a truth that would set them free.

Thus ends my two-week vacation mode. Vacation mode because it wasn’t supposed to be an actual vacation…circumstances conspired to give me a fortnight’s break from techwrite..techwrite…and techwrite. And I was a very willing victim…hehe. I was able to “go gallivanting” to Bulacan, Laguna and Tarlac, visit relatives, go to an overnight swimming with the Batingawers, eat, hibernate, chat with KCmates, watch movies in a cinema, start a blog…all the little pleasures denied a student during the end of sem.


ENROLMENT

But I have to face reality now *siiiiigghhh* . It slapped me in the face last Monday. I thought I would be able to enroll for our practicum quickly, since I had dutifully enlisted earlier. Dream on… I had forgotten that I was permanently marked as a shiftee, irregular, floating-in-limbo-student. I had to face my usual semstarter challenge: late registration *thunder rolls*. Three days…three days…haay. After all the hassle and queuing and arguments, I finally got my Form5 this afternoon… felt like I was resurrected, hehe.
God has a way of giving wonderful little respites from troubles. The texts and calls of my faraway (and not so faraway) friends and KC mates made me smile in the middle of the line. JM, a KCmate from Bacolod heroically offered to accompany me in the pinaka-madugong part of late registration… he fanned me, talked to me (and the other people on the line, hehe), sang with me, fed me and generally made the enrolment process bearable. We met with Hannah and underwent a death march with her ( SVCF Diliman Tambayan - Oble - Shopping Center), got lost in QC because of not following directions, jaywalked across Quezon Avenue and finally met with another Kcmate, Kuya Hobbes. Another blessing is the fact that I have an org house (Tanghalang Batingaw, Inc.'s apartment in Remedios) to run to when the heat is too much… where I can nap and surf the net in air-conditioned bliss.

PRACTICUM

“Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to work I go”

This practicum is a much-needed reality check: that in a year’s time (I hope) I have to go out and fend for myself, sleep when it’s dark and not during daytime, wear office attire and give up my tubao…waaaah. My schedule in the first few days of my practicum has been quite haphazard because of that beloved enrolment.

DAY 1 April 13, 2004 Tuesday

After facing the usual early morning traffic, I thankfully got to work on time. Since I lived quite far from the office, we agreed on a 9:30 am to 6:30 pm shift. I had my orientation during the interview, so I already knew some of the people at the SMART Public Affairs Department, like Ms. Sally Aldaba and Mr. Mon Isberto, who was the department head. They did not have a formal practicum program for students, so they assigned me to assist Ms. Reena Villamor, mostly with writing and research work. That morning, as I entered the cubicle we shared, she greeted me with a smile and a very thick folder. I was asked to research on awards and competitions that SMART could join, specifically in the field of Public Relations, and file them for future reference.

I had a slow start, since I was not that familiar with Excel and the computer had difficulty going online. I also had to change computer stations thrice, since there was no available computer that I could use permanently. Still I was able to encode the research print-outs Ms. Reena gave me and discovered two more possible competitons that SMART could participate in. Someone brought chicharon from Cebu, which kept us going in the afternoon. I was also surprised by a visit from a fellow OrCom major who had his practicum in SMART a year ago. He was there to finish his practicum folder and shared with me some of his experiences while working in the department. Around 5pm, some of the Public Affairs staff had a brainstorming session about the newsletter. I was waiting for Ma’m Reena to tell me that it was okay to leave, but she was involved in the session, so at 7:30pm I mustered the courage to go to her and take my leave. She said that next time, I could leave at 6:30pm without having to report to her directly, I could just text or leave her a note. She also said that I could make my own time sheet at the office and that they would provide me with an ID card and a laptop.

DAY 2 April 15, 2004 Thursday

I only stayed in the office in the morning because I had to finish my late registration for the practicum. I arrived early, at around 9am. Ma’m Reena texted ahead to tell me that she would arrive late and that I could start without her. I continued my research work and made my time sheet, as well as fielded some calls.

And my baby thesis is languishing in limbo….
My Utmost for His Highest Jamaican Farewell

1 tripped the light fantastic

MUSINGS
Posted at 11:37 PM

Why is it so difficult to change? No matter how many times I have resolved to treat someone better, or to stop being so immature and dependent, or to quit procrastinating my life away… nothing happens.

Because I have often attempted to do it on my own…relying on my self and my own strength. Because I failed to grasp the lessons that these people and situations bring. Because I have not truly surrendered them to Someone who cares enough and is powerful enough to change me.
Sorry, Lord.

I WILL NEVER BE

I will never be the same again
I will never return, I’ve closed the door
I will walk the path, I’ll run the race
And I will never be the same again

Fall like fire, soak like rain
Flow like mighty waters again and again
Sweep away the darkness, burn away the chaff
And let a flame burn to glorify our name

There are higher heights, there are deeper seas
Whatever You need to do, Lord do in me
The glory of God, fills my life
And I will never be the same again.

Feelings can be deceptive. Sometimes I feel as if nothing has changed in me. Sometimes my feelings for people shift every hour (or minute) from one extreme to another. I just have to cling to His promise that He is working in me. And I just have to decide to love some people… and let go of others, no matter how I feel.

And I am still waiting …actively.

PRACTICUM JOURNAL

DAY 3 April 16, 2004 Friday

I arrived at the office late because of a flat tire. I was supposed to continue the research work about PR awards. However, I was asked by Ms. Lillian to help with the preparations for the outreach program the next day. SMART was conducting a Summer Remedial Reading and Feeding program, or Adopt a School at Palanan Elementary School in Makati. It started last April 3 and would go on until the last Saturday of May. SMART employees volunteered to teach the children, who were from Grades 2 and 3. I also went along and had fun teaching the kids action songs, games and some basic English lessons. I spent the rest of my third practicum day typing and photocopying lesson plans and making ID cards. The people at Public Affairs kept on feeding me; one can never go hungry in this department.
Our Daily Journey I Will Never Be

1 tripped the light fantastic

PROCRASTINATION
Posted at 06:37 PM

a part of being human... everyone does it.
im trying really hard to convince myself that just because its normal, doesnt make it acceptable...waah
i am sooo procrastinating everything ryt now... tech write (aka baby thesis), work, even this blog.
but im very productive.. im busy doing things im NOT supposed to do. hay.

but..im thankful for Somebody's guidance with regards to my confused feelings of a week ago...okay na ako. yehey! okay na okay.
i'll just be dead come deadline.
and..thank God for three-way calling!!!

and off i go net surfin'..weeeee!
PBSP Annual Report because of you (ringtone ng boss ko)

click me!

SERIAL JOURNAL
Posted at 07:41 PM

if a serial killer has a lot of victims, my practicum journal has a lot of entries..haha, corny. can't think of an entry title anymore. bear with the "nobela-like" entries, we are required to chronicle every single day of our practicum. this blog is a way of making such a tedious task interesting... imagine being able to write 25 versions of the same everyday routine? hay. right now, i can sum up my practicum in a single sentence: stared at a computer screen all day. or...suceeded in not making the poor computer explode. yey!

here goes...from last week...

DAY 4 April 19, 2004 Monday

So far, I had found 15 possible PR competitions that Smart could join. I printed out the summary and highlighted the contests whose deadlines fall in April-May. In particular, SMART would be joining the IPRA Golden World Awards. As my boss jokingly complained, I gave her more work to do because of my research. We ate lunch at the LKG Tower next door, where I saw a classmate, Gwen. She was doing he practicum at McCann-Erickson’s.

DAY 5 April 20, 2004 Tuesday

I had just opened the computer when Sir Darwin summoned me. The volunteer teachers for the outreach were having a meeting to discuss the curriculum for the rest of the summer. Those present included a representative from the Finance Department, two teachers from the target school, a Smart employee who was a former teacher, and three of us from the Public Affairs Department. The PA hired the cousin of another Smart employee to formulate the curriculum, since she was currently teaching in a private elementary school. I was asked to share my insights about the second session. Basically, the lesson plan helped a lot, although the vocabulary words were a bit advanced for the students. All of us enjoyed the story selection, especially since it was open-ended. The kids proposed amusing endings to the story. Everyone agreed that equal emphasis should be given on reading skills and comprehension. Also, the lesson should be lowered by a grade level (Grade 2 lesson plan for Grade 3 students) since some of the pupils barely knew the alphabet. We ate lunch afterwards.
At last! I finally finished my research about the Public Relations competitions in the afternoon. I gathered and filed the print-outs for future reference.

to be continued...
mufhh sun and moon (ms saigon

click me!

...CONTINUED
Posted at 08:54 PM

DAY 6 April 21, 2004 Wednesday
In the morning, Ms Lillian gave me the latest set of lesson plans for the outreach. I had a difficult time encoding it because I had to look for cliparts of the illustrations. In the afternoon, I was given a new task: Ms. Nova asked me to encode the corporate mailing list. I had to sort through several files containing hundreds of names and encode them in MS Excel. Thankfully, it was not an urgent job, I could do it until the end of the practicum. In the afternoon, Sir Mon, the Public Affairs Department Head, solicited my comments about the newest batch of posters for a PR campaign. He treated us to pizza that night, since we all did overtime. I heard a lot of media gossip while we ate.

DAY 7 April 22, 2004 Thursday

The day was spent wallowing through the database; I was really experiencing a “baptism of fire” with regard to Excel. However, I rarely got to talk to anyone in the office since everyone was busy. The place was also relatively quiet, the silence broken only by the ring of telephones and the voices of people asking job-related questions. I was not used to keeping my mouth shut for so long, so I was grateful when Ms. Nick asked my help. We chatted while we made cut-outs of numbers. It was for the “ Pasa Book” and “PaSapatos” programs, which was part of the Smart Communities campaign. We were supposed to post the number of books and rubber shoes donated by employees that week. I was also assigned another task: Sir Darwin requested me to research about enterpreneurship.

DAY 8 April 23, 2004 Friday

I was sick in the morning, so I reported for work after lunch. I arrived to find the office deserted, everyone had gone out to lunch. I just continued the tasks assigned to me. By then, I was doing three of them all at once: research, database and the lesson plans. People in the department kept on “borrowing” me from Ms. Reena., since there were only a dozen of them and two were on sick leave.

where, oh where has my vacation gone?
two weeks down, three more to go....
odj sleep all day (how i wish)

click me!